Hand-walk your sweet ass right over here.

Today I woke up and felt okay. I didn't have pain. I didn't feel negatively about my life's story. I didn't have poor expectations of how the day would unfold. I didn't even try to map out how I would react and what I would do if the day started to suck. I woke up without the weight of an apocalyptic nightmare and I actually wanted coffee in the morning instead of at 9 pm.

The outlook was good. So good, that I thought it would be funny if I told everyone that Tom Cruise was dead. It would have been perfect if lies had to leak and bleed heavily across a prairie or a mountain range or a desert so as to make the joke more entertaining.

My Good Morning America lie would have been exposed as a sick joke long before a shift in public opinion could have even shuddered itself into responsible and fact checking play. My prank was conceived today. So.Today sees no news from the isolated communities that connect the dots from town to town over actual Terra Firma. Today's reaction happened immediately and my energy slowly gave it up. Itself.

We were hungry. We weren't "hand-walkers" so I was capable of driving us to a local chain buffet.

I slid a 60's style lunch tray for the Tyranasaurus 2 year old and a flat hunter green tray for myself across the Aluminum bars that run the length of the buffet's "On Ice" offerings. And then I chose food to give the monster who was charming strangers, and food to stuff my face with as I found myself slowly getting charged. Charging doesn't always happen when I am greeting the day. I hadn't even picked out a dressing yet and it was over for any stranger who wanted to invest in me or any loved one who already had stakes in me for the rest of the day. I was now a visitor. I was prepared to be a guest. Don't talk to me unless you are really good...

The place filled up quickly and I saw truckloads of people file by my family. 200 people pretty much descended down onto us and into our world in a matter of minutes. I watched people stand in the center of the dining room,as they would try to look strong without hope of a place to sit. I also watched the people who never had to fight for a seat. Maybe I had my own seat for once. My politics and my art would be totally different because of it. Make no mistake though. I have been in the center of a room without a place at the table more times than should be true. I have taken no sides here yet.

Kidney beans, sunflower seeds, red onion, radish. olive, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach- with a cucumber vinaigrette. Corn chowder.... iced water. Camouflage pants, knotted hair and hiking boots... and tattoos on my face and my hands if I failed to communicate the fact that not only am I NOT like you, I have already gone farther than you would ever be willing to go- in a sense... and you, me.

I have been at this gate 10,000 times.

Is there lunch?

Was there dinner?

There would be chaos and beauty and doubt.

And shame.. Big deal.