I drop my kid off at a daycare facility. I get in my Jeep and suffer immediate anxiety (as I make my way to work in Downtown Houston on 59 or I-10 ) because I understand my child, know how brutally destructive the world can be, and can only operate in a daily grind that just gets us by as a family... wanting more than all of this.
Today my daughter was in a chaotic room full of children waiting to be picked up by their parents and was told she couldn't have candy like everyone else if she didn't stop talking. Apparently, she didn't stop talking and was singled out, embarrassed and given no candy.
I can't tell you how angry I am about this set up...
Do I believe that children should be rewarded with candy? No. Do I believe that children should be punished for talking by denying them a treat that everyone else is getting? No. She's four years old. If you want to address the fact that she isn't being mindful and behaving quietly.. fine. Address it the way someone who knows how to fucking handle children would. If you knew how to handle children, you would know that EVERYONE gets candy if you're going to be the kind of Christian based program that offers that horrible shit to your prayer indoctrinated babes as a treat.
I've put up with the whole "God is great" grace at dinner that you sent her home with. I tolerate the overt christian suggestive seasonal bulletin boards with decorations from children who are forced into believing that GOD IS WATCHING THEM-while getting them into their ancient dark car full of puppies and candies and colorful eggs and pretty pictures- which is child abuse if I ever saw it.
What kind of jerk has a room full of children and gives all of them candy, but one? Might be Christian. Might be fucking retarded.. Either way, they are The kind of jerk that gets to meet me tomorrow.
I won't be shaking hands.
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ugh, that sounds terrible, i support you in your anger. why do you have her in a christian daycare? I have to imagine that its not by choice, but is it because they are the only affordable ones? or is houston such a pit that those are the only ones available?
either way, good luck tomorrow talking to them, i hope they are somewhat reasonable.
Thanks roberto. I told one of the women the following day that I wasn't cool with it as I rushed to work. Then today, a young woman says to me," Oh by the way, the whole thing with the candy- that was me. The deal was, I had five pieces of candy and I was giving it to children who were being quiet and listening. It was a reward."
So I said, "Yeah. I get it, and I don't support that at all. Why use candy for a reward? Why only have five pieces for a room full of kids? If you give one kid candy, you should give them all candy. If you want to address behavior and affect a change- then use tools that good caregivers use... like talking about behavior and getting desired results from discussion and not because you are bribing a wide-eyed child in a room full of other little monsters already gorging their devious little faces...."
Anyways...
The daycare is clean. It is large. There are cameras everywhere. The rooms are all open so each person is kind of held accountable because everyone sees them with the kids. It is affordable. It is relatively close. Electra knows them all and she seems to enjoy it. If I start getting any more negative vibes from the inexperienced younger girls working there... I'll talk to the director. And then I'll fire bomb the place.
For the record.. I know I sound like Veruca Salt's mother here.. But I want the same for all of those children. Put them in time out and give them candy after... IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE CANDY.
I want the same for them all as well, after Electra gets hers.
Daycare is pretty dodgy; one facility can be great and the next can be shitty. That sounds like a place we took Orion to for one day and immediately pulled him out.
I worked at the Y daycare when I was a teenager. I don't recall doling out candy but I'm sure I did other unprofessional things. I remember we used to set up a Connect Four game - the champ got to sit in the "teachers" chair until he was defeated. Usually in the champion/teacher chair was me or the other dude getting paid five bucks an hour to watch four year olds. I still laugh at all those poor kids in line to get their ass handed to them over and over. I guess we were teaching them that life isn't fair???
Candy reward does suck. A notch along the way to Electra realizing people in authority aren't always right.
Lost, she's fairly clear on that already.
I worked at a daycare once I got my bachelor's degree. And one little girl was really annoying and very whiny day after day, so when she went running by me in the playground for like the third time in a row, so I knew she was coming again, I just reached out my foot, and tripped her. She did a splat, but it was a pretty safe one. She looked back at me and she knew. We locked eyes, we understood each other. There was no more whining. I think she was 5.
Ahh my dear Stacey,
Bachelor's degree in what? Physical Education?
You know what I want a Masters in?
LOCKING EYES.
How do you feel now about leaving your children with others who cared as you did?
Stacey,
I am an early childhood educator and have been working with young children for 20 years. You and that child's "understanding" was that you abused her and she could not trust you anymore. She did not whine anymore because she was fearful. I can't believe you tell this story. Don't you understand that you abused child?
We're not always proud of our moments. Telling them does a lot of things, like, show sides to story, as they are rarely black and white.
Just fyi, I am well aware that the method I chose with that particular child is not one to use on most kids, or any other kid, but one that I thought would work, 20 years ago, which is when this happened.
As someone somewhat trained in educating children, given them psychological tests, studied various professional educators in and out of school, helping to bring computers to an entire school and helping every grade on them, the tiny amount of knowledge I gained while doing this did lead me to various ways to deal with children, and included a concentration on difficult children.
When bringing the computers to the school, it was targeting children with problems of various kinds, like the one child whose dad did so many drugs around him the child's own growth was stunted and had impaired his brain.
Dealing with children is difficult because they cannot say what really bugs them, nor can many grown ups, but helping them grow is even a hotter topic than politics. Parents are defensive, but you can only grow through some amount of pain.
Do you see what I'm getting at? I'm not saying, boy I sure do love that kid-tripping technique I developed! It's a winner every time!
I'm saying, that to help a child, you sometimes have to do something a child doesn't like, and therefore, his parents most likely won't like. Like getting an F, or asked to run extra laps, etc.
Now, that technique 20 years ago I may not have done given the knowledge I have today, but I was genuinely trying given the education I had up to that point, which was not a small amount.
Taking care of children is one thing, helping them grow is quite a different one. And the level of payment the childcare givers receive is quite minimal, which is why I laughed when I wrote that I did that after I received a degree. They aren't going to have the experience you wish, but they do have to push and they do have to try.
Given all of that, I am not upset about the people I entrust my children with, but I do try and talk with them about anything that I don't quite understand.
Once I put my child in another daycare and their policy was to leave the children out in any weather above 32 degrees to have breakfast. So literally, during winter they are having cold cereal wearing their mittens, hat and jackets.
Is this child abuse? I didn't particularly like it, thought it unnecessary, not my cup of tea, so pulled him out (for that and other reasons) and put him back in the place he's been for 6 years now.
So, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak (as that IS child abuse) when you hear something that sounds suspect.
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