Hear me out, you loser pussy bitches of the geek underworld.
There's this new person at work and she is an admitted fan of fantasy fiction. She came right out and told me about that and also about practically every other facet of her brief life in rapid, machine gun fashion. I am amazed at the way with which some people can rattle off useless drivel without the slightest concern for whether or not the poor fuck on the receiving end actually gives a shit.
While I caught the distinction of her saying "fantasy" and not including "sci-fi" in that run-down, I took the high road and didn't reflect on it. In fact, I went one louder and completely ignored her. Therefore, when she went on with her uninvited treatise on J.R.R. Tolkien, I came back while she was taking a breath to make some comment on her love of "sci-fi."
"No, no, it's fantasy, not sci-fi specifically," she reminded me as if I hadn't caught it the first time.
I know the difference. You know, for the record.
Then, to my dismay, this led into her brutal and unyielding monologue on why she can't finish the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I'll spare you the horrible details. Suffice to say that it isn't for her but that she is a firm adherent to the "You must worship Tolkien because he created an entire universe" theory.
You know, you don't actually have to do any such thing. In fact, fuck Tolkien for creating that horseshit nightmare and then expunging it onto the unsuspecting world.
Apparently, Tolkien used his interminable and utterly dull trilogy to (among other things) decry the folly of war.
That's cool enough. I'll admit that. But still. Did we need entire races of shit like Orcs and Elves and fucking Dwarves, and new languages, and entire worlds and cultures and la-di-fuckin'-da to go with all that? Probably not.
That anything he did might beat a path toward Laurel Hamilton is reason enough to have him scratched from the record of humanity.
If that Scandinavian cock-eat invented fantasy literature then he deserves to be forgotten for eternity.
I keep wondering when that day will come when it dawns on the world that Peter Jackson can't write a compelling story to save his life.
He's great at genre-bending spectacle, camp, and humorous set pieces and scenarios, but when it comes to actual characters and dialogue and the like, forget it.
The end of the last LoTR film is the gayest thing I have ever seen and somehow no one had the balls to tell Jackson that.
It's a shame.
It's a shame because Tolkien is a dick.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
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2 Comments:
That totally made me laugh, even if I realize you probably werent laughing when that coworker assaulted you with her blabber, i have been there enough times myself, and i can't ever comprehend how people like her manage to not get even the most obvious hints that their audience is not only not interested but about to do physical damage to them. So yeah, it made me smile and laugh. thanks for a great kickstart to my saturday.
As for tolkien, i'm sure he was a dick. you would have to be to "create" your own language. But i still love those books. The movies well, they were ok on first viewing, not holding up so well.
I was at a party this weekend when a woman sneered at any book that had 'space cars' in them. Literature major.
Coming from the other side, I find that attitude kind of funny in its limiting way.
I am old enough to have read lots of authors who all create worlds, or steal parts from others, or who are given parts of others.
So yeah, whatever about Tolkien, let's talk more about Miyazaki.
I once heard an awesome story about a guy in a small room who talked a lot, and just wouldn't let people leave. I imagine it as a black room with one light in the ceiling and a shining light outside the one door.
My friend was talking to him, trying to end the conversation again and again. And he starts backing out of the room. The man is still talking.
He lets the door start to close. The man does not stop talking or say bye.
And the door shuts and the man is still talking. I mean, what do you do? What can you do?
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